It's My Birthday!

I've never been pregnant on my birthday before. I kind of like it.

In other news, I had to break down and start taking Prevacid (a pregnancy category b)for my heartburn. NOTHING else was helping and I noticed that I wasn't eating or drinking properly, so I decided that the slight risk of taking a category b drug was better than the risk of not nourishing my baby properly. I've been taking it for four days now, and let me tell you, the difference is night and day. I feel so much better than I did before I started taking it. I'm properly hydrated. I have more energy because I'm eating again. Life is much, much happier.

I know I've said it multiple times before, but I am going to make a concerted effort to post more often. I asked for a journal for Christmas. I'd really like to start journaling a little something every day. I feel so much better when I write just a little, but man, it is so hard to find time with a very active 4 year old! I don't imagine that it will be any easier once newbaby gets here either. But beginning January 1, 2012, I am going to really try to either journal or blog once a day.

24 Weeks, 3 days

I had every intention of writing this post on Saturday, when I was 24 weeks, 0 days, but that just wasn't in the cards. 24 weeks is a big milestone: it's the age of viability. If baby were to be born today, he would have a decent chance of survival. That makes me feel good. Obviously, I would like baby to stay put for 16 more weeks or so, but just knowing that if the baby were to be born today that he would likely survive give me a little bit of security.

We interviewed doulas this weekend. One really wasn't a good fit at all and the other was AWESOME! I feel like we will hire her once our next paycheck hits. We had a third interview scheduled, but my due date just wasn't going to work with her family's schedule, so she backed out. I really respect her for doing that. There is one more doula that has been recommended and I am trying to decide if we will interview her or not.

I have my entire newborn stash of cloth diapers. Now just to wash them all and get them ready for new baby. I'm really excited about using cloth on an itty bitty since Will was about 18 months old or so before I started using cloth with him. I should probably take a picture of my stash and post it, but that seems like too much work right now.

Lack of sleep is an ongoing issue. Some nights I have trouble falling asleep from the get-go, usually due to heartburn or gas. Other nights I fall asleep the instant my head hits the pillow but have trouble getting back to sleep after getting up to go to the bathroom. I started using Hypnobabies a few days ago and I am really enjoying that. I think that has helped at least somewhat with my sleep. I'm hoping to see continued improvement the longer that I use it.

I go back to the midwife on Monday. I'm guessing that I may have one more monthly appointment after that and then switch to appointments every two weeks. That seems crazy to me! Things are getting close.

Another Midwife Appointment

I went back to the midwife again yesterday. It went really well. I'm up 4 pounds since last visit, so right on track for the 1 pound per week that I should be gaining at this point. My fundal height was right on track as well. This was the first appointment where she palpated the baby to find the position. That was really neat since that was never done during my last pregnancy. One of the pros of seeing a midwife instead of an OB this time around.

Thankfully, pregnancy is pretty boring right now. I'm still having some impressive heartburn and a fair amount of bloating in the evenings. But all in all, much less mentally and emotionally demanding than my first pregnancy.

Massive Update

I admit. I'm a delinquent blogger. I try, really I do, but life tends to get in the way of blogging about it. I'm ok with that as long as I get to do a few big updates now and then.

Let's see... where to start. My pregnancy is going along great! I am currently 18 weeks and 4 days. We had a little glitch several weeks ago though. My midwife called to inform me that while most of my blood work was perfectly normal, my hepatitis b test came back positive. Needless to say I was in shock! I haven't been engaging in any "risky behaviors" and haven't been exposed to anyone's blood. I was referred to an OB and was retested. After much stress and waiting, my repeat test came back negative (as I knew it had to) and my first test was determined to be a false positive. Whew! What a relief!

I had my anatomy scan a week ago. Everything looked great! No signs of any neural tube defects, large or small. And we are having another boy! Now I can start buying cute cloth diapers. I didn't start using cloth with Will until he was about 18 months old, so I don't have any newborn or small sized diapers. I have been having so much fun picking out the ones I'm going to use with the new baby.

Will turned 4 just over a week ago. He's still talking about the bounce house and loves telling people that he is "pour." I had to reschedule his well-child pediatrician appointment, so I don't have any stats to update right now. I do plan on talking to him about his speech though. He has trouble with several consonant sounds, especially blends. If it's normal and age appropriate, great! If not, I want to get him the help he needs. I've made a list of words that he consistently mispronounces and it's upwards of 25, and I'm not including "hard" word like "spaghetti." Anyway, his appointment is one week from today and I'm looking forward to seeing what our beloved pediatrician says.

First Midwife Appointment

I saw my midwife for the first time as a patient today. We interviewed her and her (now former partner) back in January and really liked her a lot. This visit was much different from my most recent visit with my (now former) OB. She took a thorough history, talked at length with us, listened and answered all the questions that we had. It was a very relaxing visit. My blood pressure typically runs right around 120/80 and today it was 102/70! Lowered blood pressure is a sure sign of calmness. It was just perfect all around.

We tried to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler, but it's still pretty early to be able to do that. I was able to hear it for a split second, but Kenneth didn't get to hear it at all. By the time I go back in four weeks, hearing the heartbeat shouldn't be a problem.

Crazy 4 Fluff

Boba Carrier Giveaway!

I'm entering to win a FREE Boba Carrier. These have been on my radar for a while and now (well in 33 weeks) I have a need for one. Click here to check them out. Click here to go to Crazy 4 Fluff to find out more about the giveawayhttp://www.blogger.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifcom/img/blank.gif.

Sorry to leave you hanging...

but morning sickness is the real deal!

I went to my OB last Monday. I decided to be upfront with him and tell him that I was considering a home birth. I didn't expect him to be jumping up and down with excitement or anything like that, but I absolutely didn't expect the response that I got from him. He told me that I was "crazy to consider a home birth" due to my "situation." I'm not quite sure what "situation" he was referring to: the fact that this will be a VBAC, that I went into preterm labor last time, that I lost a baby. Who knows? I honestly don't even care to find out. I didn't ask because I was afraid that if I did I would break down in tears and I didn't want to give him that satisfaction. I mean, fine, if you don't support home birth, say so. If you don't support home birth for my "situation," say that. But do NOT, under any circumstances, say that your patient is "crazy." That's a very quick way to lose a patient permanently. Which, as a matter of fact, he did.

What gets me the most, is that I really respected this OB. I am shocked and appalled at the way I was treated last week. Oh well. I have an appointment with a midwife next Tuesday. I'm going to talk to her to see who her backup OB is and see if I can get an appointment with him/her.

I can't believe that I am still seething over this an entire week later.

314!!!

Beta today was 314! My favorite phlebotomist drew my blood again today. She just grinned from ear to ear when she saw that I was back today. If the blood she had drawn on Saturday had been negative, there would have been no reason for me to be back this morning.

I feel relieved that my numbers were good today. I have to admit that I was at least mildly concerned that they wouldn't have doubled. Of course, my body was definitely telling me that my hCG was rising. It's just so hard to listen to that sometimes when my brain is being so negative.

I have an appointment with my OB on July 11 and will get an ultrasound then. Late this afternoon I called the midwives that I would like to use and left a message. I haven't heard back from them. I'm not concerned because it's a very small practice: two midwives and no office staff. They could have easily been attending a birth. I'll call again on Wednesday morning if I haven't heard from them by then.

Beta Day

I had blood drawn by my favorite phlebotomist this morning. I'm not kidding. I have a favorite person to poke my vein in my left arm. She is personable and funny and brightens my day. Of course, it helps that she's actually good at her job and doesn't leave me black and blue. She drew my blood at 8:00. And I waited... and waited... and waited some more. At 4:00 I couldn't take it any more, after all it was 5:00 on the other side of the state where my doctor is, and I called the after hours phone number. The answering service transferred me directly to the doctor. No waiting for him to call back at least. He told me to text him my phone number and he would call once he figured out what was going on.

So I waited some more.

An hour later I received the call. My beta hCG was 135! I am thrilled! I'm not sure if I blogged about my feelings of despair and "there is no way this cycle is going to work" but I had those feelings a lot the past week or so. I guess that's what happens when you're let down time and time again.

But I'm pregnant. With a really great first beta.

P.S. I don't think that any one really reads this blog, but if you do and you know me in real life, please don't tell anyone. We aren't telling "people" yet. Of course, here I am posting on the internet about it, but eh, I don't think anyone reads this anyway.

Negative Yesterday

Sorry I forgot to post yesterday.

Yesterday's test was negative. It was still on the early side to get a positive. Didn't test this morning, even though I wanted to. I think it'd the first time I've shown restraint when it comes to POAS. I guess I've learned something in 4 IVFs and 1 FET.

I'll test again in the morning.

Progestreone is EVIL!

I try really hard not to complain when I'm cycling. After all, I want to be pregnant, right? But those blasted PIO injections. First of all, they are literally a pain in the butt. An inch and a half, 25 gauge shot in one cheek or the other every night. You'd think that that would be the worst part, but you'd be wrong. The PIO leaves awful, painful welts too. Oh, and lets not forget the side effects of progesterone: bloating, breast tenderness, dizziness, drowsiness, dry mouth, fluid retention, headache, heartburn, irritability, nausea, tiredness, and vomiting. Do those sound at all familiar? Yep. That's right. Those are the exact same as the symptoms of pregnancy. It's enough to drive a wanna-be pregnant lady bonkers! I'm testing tomorrow. I can't handle the suspense and pseudo-pregnancy symptoms any longer.

Still Waiting

I went to Dollar Tree this afternoon and bought three tests. I'm hoping to make it until Tuesday (10dpo) to begin testing. There's really no sense in doing so any earlier than that. I figured I could test Tuesday, Thursday, and then one last time on Saturday before I go in for my beta. I wonder if those three tests will actually make it that long or not. I'll probably end up driving the 7.8 miles to the closest Dollar Tree to get more. Gah! It's so hard to wait.

Now We Wait

So I had my FET yesterday. Both the embryologist and my doctor were very pleased with the way the embryo looked after it thawed. I am really glad that we left the clinic in Memphis for this one. I haven't stepped foot in that building since mid-January and they all remembered details about us. The embryologist, the doctor and the nurse (and I think one of the receptionists) offered their condolences to us for losing DH's step dad. I just feel like they care there and don't see us as dollar signs when we walk through the door.

Anyway, the actual transfer went well. I didn't drink too much water, so I wasn't miserable. You have to have a full bladder so that it shows up well as a landmark for ultrasound guidance during the transfer. For my first two IVF cycles (when TTC the first time) I drank way too much water and was absolutely miserable. I've learned a lot in the three transfers since that time.

My progesterone level was great but my estrogen was on the low side so I'm supposed to start estrogen patches tonight in addition to the estrogen pills I am already taking.

My quantitative hcg test will be next Saturday. I'm trying to decide when I want to start testing at home. Today is the equivalent of 6 days after ovulation. I'm thinking I'm going to try to wait until Tuesday (equivalent to 10dpo). But I'm planning on buying tests from Dollar Tree tomorrow, so we'll see how long I last once they are in the house.

FET is scheduled

FETs are boring. That's all there is to it. Fresh IVF cycles are so much more exciting. All the monitoring appointments, and follicle counts, and measurements. Oh, and the extra hormones. Can't forget those! None of that happens with a FET. Even combining my canceled FET in April with this one, I have still stepped foot in the RE's office fewer times than I did with a single IVF cycle. FETs just don't make for good blogging material.

I went for my final bloodwork and ultrasound this morning. Everything was right where it should be. Transfer is scheduled for Thursday at 10:30am on the other end of the state.

In other news, I'm a bit sad. Another infertility blogger linked to a new-to-me blog. This blogger just lost her second set of twins at 21 weeks of pregnancy. Losing one baby was the hardest thing I have ever endured. I cannot even imagine losing four.

Derailed and Rescheduled

So the FET was originally scheduled for Thursday, April 28. My father in law died suddenly and unexpectedly on Tuesday, April 26. Needless to say, we postponed the FET in favor of being with family.

FET is rescheduled for June 16. Doing lupron injections now. First monitoring appointment will be on Tuesday, May 31.

Here we go again!

I'm gearing up for my very first frozen embryo transfer. The FET is tentatively scheduled for April 28. It's amazing how different a FET is from a fresh IVF cycle. I've really almost forgotten that I'm cycling. I've only been in for monitoring once and will only have to go in once more. A fresh cycle typically requires 6-8 monitoring appointments.

In other news since my last post, we painted the entire interior (that sounds funny when you say it out loud) of our house, put it on the market to rent, had a contract in less than 36 hours, and moved out of that house 5 days after that. We lived with my grandma for a week and a half and now have been in our new house (that we are renting from my mother-in-law) in the country for 2 weeks. So far I really enjoy being out of the hustle and bustle of the city. We are still close enough, though, that we can easily access anything that we could possibly need. We moved one county to the east of the one used to live in. Everyone that we know that lives here loves it and The Real Deal is having a blast exploring the 3 1/2 acres that he has to play outside.

I'm also getting ready for the March of Dimes March for Babies on April 30. Our family does this walk every year in honor of my son and in memory of his twin sister, who died soon after birth. If you would like to donate to the March of Dimes, you can do so by clicking here.

Update

Sorry it took me so long to get to this update. I wanted to have a "for sure" diagnosis before I posted, and that took much longer than I anticipated.

I went on Friday for my beta. The test that I took at home that morning was negative, so immediately upon leaving the lab, I called the doctor to tell them what I was expecting the results to be. The nurse said that she was sorry and that Dr. M. would call me later. Around lunch, Dr. M. called and apologized and told me how disappointed he was and that he knew I must be disappointed as well. He said that it would be unusual for a beta to come back with a positive result after a negative home pregnancy test that morning, but that it could happen. He was calling me from his cell phone and told me that if I hadn't heard from his office by the time I was supposed to take my progesterone injection that evening, to call him and he would find out what was going on. The week before, the lab didn't give his office the results until after 6pm, so we weren't necessarily expecting the results to be available until late afternoon or early evening.

Around 6:00, I still hadn't heard anything, so I decided to send Dr. M. a text. I didn't want to interrupt his dinner and figured that would be less intrusive. He sent me a text back saying that he would find out for me. At around 6:30 my phone rang. He told me that my beta was 24 and that 24 is low. Home pregnancy tests typically show up positive with a beta of 25, so that explained the negative test in the morning. He said that he has never seen a viable pregnancy in his practice with a beta beginning in the 20s, but that is can and does happen. He wanted me to go back to the lab for a repeat beta on Monday morning. They want to see a beta double within 48 to 72 hours. So at minimum, it needed to be 48 on Monday morning.

My mantra the entire weekend was, "Today I am pregnant. I am not going to worry about what the future may or may not hold because TODAY I am pregnant." Every time I started to get nervous or anxious, I repeated that to myself.

Monday morning came and I went back for the blood draw. Remarkably, Dr. M's office got the results before 3:00. Unfortunately, my beta was only 30. I was instructed to stop all my medications and to let nature take its course.

Dr. M. called me this morning to check on me and to apologize again. He said that we could do the frozen embryo transfer whenever we were ready and that there was no medical reason to take a cycle off. We would just need to repeat my beta to make sure that it has returned to zero before beginning any medication.

So now I'm waiting again. Today I am 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I'm waiting for nature to say otherwise. I'm waiting to begin again.

Testing, testing, one, two, three...

Call me impatient. I tested today. Not surprised that it was negative, it's way too early for it to be positive. I'm only 9 days past ER after all. But, in a way, I'm glad that I tested this morning and I'm glad that it was negative. I know now that the trigger shot that I took before ER is now out of my system. The trigger shot is hcg which is the same hormone that pregnancy tests detect. Had I gotten a positive today, I wouldn't know for sure if it was a real positive or a fake positive. Now I know and if, when, I test and get a positive result, I will know for sure that it's not a false positive and will be able to celebrate.

Transfer Summary and a Frozen Embryo!

Apparently I forgot to update after the transfer. Oops!

The transfer was on Monday at 11:30. It went really well and they transferred 3 beautiful embies. Two of them were between a grade 1 and a grade 2. Grade 1 is the best and the scale goes all the way to grade 5, so these were pretty good. The other was a grade 3, so it was about average. The transfer went off without a hitch and Dr. M. said that he felt really good about it.

I went back to the house and took it easy for the rest of the day and then we left for home after dinner. The Real Deal slept the whole way and then continued to sleep really well after we got home. The ride was smooth, even though we had a little rain off and on. We did hit some pretty dense fog about 40 miles or so from our exit, but other than that it was smooth sailing.

The embryologist called this morning to say that one of the five remaining embryos is ready to be frozen. This is our fourth IVF cycle and we have NEVER had an embryo make it to that stage, so we were very excited to hear the news. The grading scale changes once the embryo becomes a blastocyst. This one is an expanded blastocyst, so it is assigned the number 4. Then the outer shell is graded from A-F, the inner shell is graded from A to F, and the inner fluid is graded from A-E (or something like that, I don't remember the exact specifics, but you get the idea). So a perfect embryo at this stage would be a 4AAA. Ours was a 4AAB! I'm so excited! She also said that three of them have arrested but that there is one more that she is going to watch until tomorrow morning to see how it looks and it may be able to be frozen as well.

'T'was the Night Before Transfer

Embryo transfer is tomorrow at 11:30. I have to admit that I'm not feeling very optimistic about this cycle. The quality of the embryos isn't very good and I haven't had a good feeling about this cycle from the beginning. Of course, I felt really good about the last cycle, and it was a failed cycle, so who knows.

I am excited about being able to go home after dinner tomorrow though. I am so, so grateful for Mark and Christi opening their house to us for the past 2 weeks, but I miss my own house and my own routine. I know that the Real Deal is excited about returning home as well.

I'll update again after the transfer tomorrow. We are still planning on transferring three embryos. I'm ready to get the next week and a half over with. Testing day is February 4.

Fertilization Report

The embryologist called this morning to give me the fertilization report. Out of the 23 eggs that were retrieved, 17 were mature enough to do ICSI on. Of those 17, 8 fertilized normally, 4 fertilized abnormally, and 5 did not fertilize at all. She will call me again in the morning to let me know how things are progressing. Embryo transfer is set for 11:30 on Monday morning.

Trigger and Egg Retrieval

So I triggered on Wednesday night. It was nice not to have any injections on Thursday. Egg retrieval was this morning. Dr. M. was able to get 23 eggs, which is a record for me! Unfortunately, though, he had to go through my bladder to get to one of them. I have never had any pain at all after ER, but my oh my! Going through the bladder brings a whole 'nother dimension to things. I am so, so sore.

I should get a call in the morning letting me know how many of those 23 eggs were mature and how many of those fertilized. I should also get a date and time of when embryo transfer will be. I'm really hoping for a day 3 transfer, even though I know that a day 5 is better. I just want to get back home.

Almost to trigger!

Things got off to a slow start. I wasn't responding well to 375IU of Gonal-F and 75IU of Menopur so my dosage got increased to 450IU of Gonal-F and 150IU of Menopur. Things looked much better on Saturday when I went in for monitoring. I kept the same dosage and went back this morning. Dr. M. said that this cycle may "span the seasons." But I'm getting there. Today is stim day 11. He expects me to trigger on either Tuesday or Wednesday, stim day 12 or 13.

I had to take the Real Deal, 3yo son, with me to the appointment this morning. I knew that he would be ok, but I hate taking a child with me to the infertility specialist. It almost seems disrespectful. Luckily, the waiting room was relatively empty and we didn't have to stay there very long. I think Dr. M. enjoyed meeting him, seeing as how he helped in his conception and all.

In other news, I alternate nights having dreams that I will either conceive triplets or that this cycle will be a bust. Right now I'm not terribly optimistic that this cycle will work. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I just haven't felt connected at all to this cycle. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm not at home, or the fact that this is my 4th cycle and it's kind of ho-hum, or what. I just don't have a good feeling about this cycle. On the other hand, I'm kind of terrified of transferring 3 embryos. My dreams about having triplets are very specific. Two of the embryos will take and one will split. Identical twin girls and a boy. I don't like how IVF takes all control out of the situation. Not that any conception is in our control, but typically, with an unmedicated conception, higher order multiples are rare and not something that is often thought about. But with IVF you have to balance the likelihood of pregnancy with the likelihood of higher order multiples. That's scary to me. Well, I guess is should be scary to anybody.

Ahh... I'm hormonal and overwhelmed. I think I'll go take a nap. If I end up with triplets, I should probably get as much sleep now as possible.

Snow and Alcohol

It's snowing. I live in the south. I like snow on the rare occasions that it graces me with it's presence. Unfortunately, I do NOT like snow 36 hours before I have to drive across the state. We are supposed to be getting 6 inches of snow over night tonight. For all you northerners reading this, that may not sound like a lot, but down here, we don't have the capabilities to deal with snow. The city and county have salt/sand trucks but I don't think there is a snow plow within 100 miles of here. And the driving! No one (myself included) here knows how to drive in the snow. I really, really hope that the roads are clear before I have to leave on Tuesday morning. I absolutely have to be across the state (it is snowing there too) by 8:30 Wednesday morning. It's really not negotiable.

Second thing. The alcohol swabs the pharmacy sent me have been recalled. Got to call them in the morning about getting a replacement. You can read more about this recall by clicking here.

And We're Off... Again

Umm... so I left you hanging way back in December 2009. Sorry about that. I found out on December 23, 2009 that IVF #3 was unsuccessful. What a way to "celebrate" Christmas. In an effort to avoid that wonderful timing happening again, we decided to start IVF #4 in January 2011.

Many things are different about this cycle. The most noticeable is that I am driving completely across the state. Dr. M. did our first two cycles (and our only successful one, I might add) when he was working where I live. He was absolutely wonderful. Well, sometime after IVF #2, he decided to pack up and move across the state and open his own practice. The nerve! So IVF #3 was done with Dr. D. I did NOT click with Dr. D. at all. I felt like concerns of mine weren't addressed properly and I felt like questions I had were dismissed. Needless to say, when we decided to give IVF #4 a try, we decided to look at trekking 5 1/2 hours across the state to see Dr. M.

The second difference is that Dr. M's clinic offers the Attain IVF Program. This program offers a 70% refund on IVF fees (not meds or anesthesia) if you don't take home a baby after 3 cycles. The downside to this program is that you have to pay up front, but not having to worry about when we will be able to try again if this cycle doesn't work is HUGE. This program offers 3 IVFs and 3 FETs. If, after we complete this program, we don't take home a baby, we will use the refund money for adoption. I pretty much see it as a win-win situation.

The third difference, is that 3yo Son weaned just before Thanksgiving 2010. Dr. D. seemed to blame my unsuccessful third cycle on the fact that he was *still* nursing. Well, I wasn't going to wean him. I wasn't going to wait to do IVF. I knew that there was a chance that IVF wouldn't work. But there is always a chance that IVF won't work. I don't blame myself for trying while nursing. I know several moms who did either IVF or a FET while nursing. Some went on to have children from those cycles and some didn't. IVF isn't a guarantee no matter what you do or don't do.

The fourth difference is the protocol. For IVF #1, I did a long OCP protocol. For IVF #2 and IVF #3, I did an antagonist protocol, although I never did use use the ganirelix for IVF #2. Of course, that was the cycle that resulted in my babies, so eh, whatever. IVF #4 is going to use a micro-dose lupron, or lupron flare, protocol. Dr. M. also added femara and a high dose of steroids.

So yesterday was technically stim day 1. Why it's called that, I'm not sure. I started my lupron injections yesterday, but don't start my Gonal-F and Menopur injections until tonight.

The plan is for me to stay home until stim day #6, that's Wednesday, and go across the state at that point and stay there until after embryo transfer. Well, I live on the west side of a southern state that doesn't deal well with snow AT ALL. It is supposed to snow here Sunday night and into Monday. I am supposed to leave home on Tuesday since I have to be at the clinic first thing on Wednesday morning for monitoring. Also, my city is flat. Clinic city is in the foothills of the mountains. I do not know how to drive in the snow. I'm starting to get a teeny bit nervous about the drive. If I have to, I can leave on Monday and drive half-way and stay with family overnight and then have all day Tuesday to make it the other half. I really don't want to do that, but if I have to, I will.

So, anyway, I am really, really going to try to document this cycle better than I did the last one. I find writing healing. I just need to do it.