Egg Retrieval Tomorrow!

I took my HcG trigger shot last night, which means that tomorrow is ER! I'm really excited. I feel good about everything at this point. I'm really hoping that I have lots of mature eggs that make good quality embryos. That was my problem the other two times we did IVF. The first time we only ended up with two embryos of so-so quality. The second time, we had higher quality, but we still only had three embryos. We transferred the two best ones and the third one didn't make it to the freezing stage.

I know that I've done everything possible to make this cycle successful. I've taken my medicine religiously (of course!) and have done my relaxation time each day. This cycle I also added acupuncture, which I have to admit, I was skeptical about at first. At the very least, it took away some of the stress that goes along with IVF and made me a little more relaxed about the whole thing. So, if it works, great! I did everything that I could to make that happen. If not, I know that I still did everything possible to have a successful cycle and won't have any regrets.

Let the Stimming Begin!

I started the Gonal F and Menopur on Saturday. I took 75 units of Menopur in the morning and 375 units of Gonal F in the evenings. I went in for bloodwork on Tuesday. Based on the results I was told to reduce my Gonal F to 300 units. I went back in this morning for bloodwork and an ultrasound. The nurse said that the lining of my uterus looked great and that my follicles were right were they should be at this point. I had five follicles on the right side and four on the left. Now I'm waiting for the nurse to call with my instructions. I probably go back on Saturday for at least bloodwork and possibly another ultrasound.

Trial Transfer

My trial transfer was this morning. This was also the day that my consent forms and money was due. I don't think I will ever get over the feeling of handing over the credit card and paying for IVF. I'd like to be able to say, "Sure, here's my card. I pay for things more expensive than this all the time." But the reality is that IVF is a ton of money. Don't get me wrong: I don't regret doing IVF. But handing over that piece of plastic and signing the slip of paper ties my stomach in knots.

So I paid up, handed over the consent forms and sat down to flip through a magazine while I waited my turn. I got called back and taken to a room pretty quickly. I was told to undress from the waist down and that the doctor would be in soon. I always hurry to undress and get covered with the flimsy paper sheet because I have a fear of still undressing when the doctor comes in. So I disrobed and covered with the sheet and waited. And waited. And waited some more. I sat there for a full 27 minutes before the doctor came in the room.

The actual trial transfer went well. No cramping. Smooth entry with the catheter. Seven centimeters to my fundus.

Now I wait again. Continue taking the birth control pills. My injection class is a week from today with my baseline ultrasound and blood work the following Wednesday.

Big Box O' Drugs

I got my medication order today. I am really impressed with Freedom Pharmacy. I ordered early yesterday afternoon but since it was such an expensive order(!), my credit card flagged the purchase so I had to verify that, yes, I did authorize payment. That didn't get done until around 6 yesterday evening. My box o' drugs arrived before 8:00 this morning. That's pretty impressive. Of course, FedEx had something to do with it too.

Oh. You want to know what was in the box o' drugs, do you?

• 30 100mg progesterone suppositories (fun, fun, fun!)
• 2 10mg diazepam
• 28 100mg doxycycline
• 1 vial chorionic gonadotropin
• 10 vials of 75IU Menopur
• 8 boxes of 450 Gonal-F
• 12 20mg prednisone
• 8 100mg doxycycline
• 4 boxes of ganireliz acetate
• 2 vials of progesterone in oil
  
• 100 prenatal vitamins
• 20 27 gauge needles
• 20 27 gauge 1/2" syringes
• 40 23 gauge 1 1/2" syringes

So now I get to sit around and stare at the box. My trial transfer is one week from today, and my injection class is a week after that. My baseline ultrasound and bloodwork is 6 days after THAT and then I should be able to break into the big box o' drugs. I'm starting to get antsy and am ready to get the show on the road.

Cycle Underway!

I took my first birth control pill this morning. Seemed kind of strange to start an IVF cycle with a BCP. I know that it's to calm down your ovaries in preparation for stimulation, but it's sill kind of odd that in order to get pregnant, I'm required to take something that is typically used to prevent pregnancy.

It was also kind of anti-climatic in a way. I've been waiting and waiting for this cycle to begin and I just got up as usual, gave W his Prevacid and took my BCP at the same time. Just the same old, same old. No big deal. It wasn't even until I sat down to write this post that I realized that I started this cycle with no fanfare. It was just, "Here, W. Take your medicine. Oh, I should take mine too." I popped the pill through the foil, put it in my mouth and chased it down with some water and that was the end of it.

In other news, I got approved for about 2/3 of the amount of financing that it will take to pay for this cycle. I called the underwriting department of the financing company to request a larger loan and should hear back from them on Monday. Even if I don't get approved for more money, it won't be that much of a problem. We can put the balance on the credit card if we have to. I'd just really like to have the option of paying it off at the lower interest rate instead of the credit card interest rate. But it is what it is.

Whew!

Oh the drama!

I started my period on Monday which meant I was to call the nurse and tell her so that she could get my treatment schedule. I did and then I called DH to fill him in on the dates. He wanted to talk to the RE to get statistics on breastfeeding while doing IVF. I told him that there really isn't that much information out there, but to go ahead and call if it would make him feel better about dropping all that money.

Tuesday I get a call from the RE saying that she talked to her colleagues and the IVF director of the clinic and said that she could not do an IVF cycle on me while I was breastfeeding, saying that breastfeeding can cause poor ovarian stimulation as well as uterine contractions during embryo transfer. She also said that if I did happen to have a successful cycle, that my chances of miscarriage would be increase as well if I continued to nurse during the pregnancy. When I asked her about specific statistics and research showing this, she was unable to give any. I told her that I was fully aware of those risks, but felt that my chances were better now than they would be later when my son, W, weans as I have no plans of forcing the issue with him since I have strong family history of early menopause. I believe very strongly in respecting his needs and allowing him to wean as he is ready, and while he could surprise me and wean next week, I doubt very seriously that he will wean before another year has passed. After I told her this, she came right out and told me that if I was comfortable with the risks, that I could *lie* to them and tell them that I weaned and that I could go ahead and cycle. Yes. She told me to lie. Not just once either. She told me that numerous times in the course of the conversation.

I talked to DH later that evening and we decided to wait until my next cycle so that I could work on "weaning." Needless to say, I was distraught. I wanted to cycle NOW! I wanted to be pregnant NOW! I was acting very much like my nursing 2 year old.

After discussing my dilemma with the best group of online friends that I could ever ask for, DH and I decided to go on and call the nurse this morning and tell her that I was ready to wean. My message to the nurse was something like this:

Hi Nurse. This is Breastfeeding Mama. I talked to Dr.-Told-Me-To-Lie on Tuesday and she said that as long as I weaned that I could go ahead with this IVF cycle. I am ready to continue with this cycle and just wanted to make sure that all my appointments were still scheduled.

I felt pretty good about that message because I didn't come out and say that I had weaned, just that I was ready to continue with IVF. Ironically, when the nurse returned my call, I was breastfeeding DS. Everything is a go!

I start birth control pills tomorrow and will take them through November 21. I have my trial transfer on November 12 and the injection class on the 19th. My baseline blood work and ultrasound are on the 25th with an estimated week of ER of December 7. ET would be 3-5 days after that.

Protocol

I got my protocol today. I will be doing an antagonist protocol again, the same one that I was on when I got pregnant with W and L. I forgot that I had to be on BCP for a while before starting stimlation, so the dates in my previous post are a little off. I should start my next period sometime during the last week of October and then I can begin BCP. It always amazes me that when doing IVF, you start with birth control. I thought the purpose of IVF was to get pregnant and the purpose of BCP was to keep from getting pregnant. I know what the real reason is, it just seems ironic to me, that's all.

It's a Go!

When your laptop breaks, blogging gets neglected. I'm so, so happy to have my computer back!

So I was finally able to get my CD 3 blood work and ultrasound done. Everything looked great and the IVF team from my clinic met yesterday to discuss a protocol for me. I should be hearing from the nurse on either Monday or Tuesday to get my treatment calendar and should be able to start my IVF cycle with the beginning of my next period which should be around the end of October. That puts ER/ET towards the beginning of December. A successful cycle would mean an EDD of the end of August/beginning of September.

I'll update with my specific protocol and estimated dates once I get them.

September is Infant Mortality Awareness Month. Please watch this video and visit this website to learn what you can do to help.

Reducing Infant Mortality from Debby Takikawa on Vimeo.

Video taken from Reducing Infant Mortality and Improving the Health of Babies.

This poem is from Nurse Lochia over at 10 centimeters and beyond. She just suffered a miscarriage. I thought the poem was beautiful and needed to be shared.

I Thought Of You

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby this we know is true.
But God, can you be a Mother when your baby's not with you?
“ Yes, you can ” He replied with confidence in His voice
“I give many women babies; when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay.”
I just don't understand this, God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear.
"I wish I could show you what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile with other children and say"
"We go to earth and learn our lessons of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me.
I learned my lesson very quickly. My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear
"Mommy don’t be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm Here".
"So you see my dear sweet one, your child is OK.
Your baby is here in My home and this where she'll stay.
She'll wait for you with me until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home she'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother - it's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of right from the very start.

Still Waiting

I'm still waiting on my results from my SHG last week. I should have called this morning, but I didn't and now I have to wait until tomorrow to call.

I randomly started spotting today. Cycle day 18. What in the world? I've had perfectly normal cycles since they returned 10 months ago. Now I start going back to the RE and the go all wonky on me. Maybe implantation spotting? I should be so lucky! I've never been pregnant on my own in over 4 years of unprotected sex. Why should this time be any different? Oh the injustice of infertility! Every minuscule change in a cycle leads to thoughts of a pregnancy. Yet, invariably, your period returns a few weeks later and hopes are dashed again.

Taking Another Chance: Take 1

So here I am. About to try for another pregnancy. So what? What's the big deal? It took me nearly two years and two IVF cycles to get pregnant the first time. I was ecstatic when it finally happened. What's more, I was pregnant with twins!

I started bleeding around my 11th week of pregnancy. I went in for an ultrasound "just for peace of mind." I was told that "Twin B" did not look very good. I was told to come back in a week or two for another ultrasound to check on my subchorionic hemorrhage that caused the bleeding in the first place.

At my repeat ultrasound, I was told that "Twin B" (later to be named, L) had a severe defect in her brain. I was referred to a perinatologist for the following week.

The visit with the peri was not one I would like to repeat. My husband and I were told that L had holoprosencephaly. HPE occurs when the brain fails to divide properly into right and left hemispheres. While some children can live with HPE, L was believed to have the most severe form. We were told to expect her to be stillborn or to die shortly after birth.

The remainder of my pregnancy was filled with at least 3 ultrasounds each month as well as visits to neonatologists, pediatricians, and neurosurgeons. I was in denial that my baby would die upon birth and was bound and determined to find someone who was able to give me some hope. I never did find that person.

When I was 29 weeks pregnant, it was determined that my cervix was thinning and funneling. I was put on bedrest for the remainder of my pregnancy. At 31 weeks 5 days, my water broke. My twins, W and L were born at 2:19am on September 27, 2007 by C-section. W weighed 3lbs 6oz and was 16 inches long. L was 1lb 12oz and 12 inches long. L lived for 1 hour and 37 minutes and was held by loving arms her entire life. W had a brief 22 day stay in the NICU as a "feeder and grower."

W is now a thriving and happy 22 month old little boy. I think about my daughter in heaven every time I look at him. I miss her dearly. There are no words that can adequately describe the grief that I felt, and still feel, when she passed away.

All that being said, my husband and I are ready to have another baby. We had our consultation with the RE for an IVF cycle last week. I am nursing my son and have no plans of stopping until he shows signs that he is ready and was mentally prepared to have the RE tell me that I would need to wean in order to do an IVF cycle. Surprisingly, she was very supportive of my breastfeeding. I wouldn't go as far as saying that she was thrilled to do an IVF cycle on a nursing mother, but she didn't rule it out either.

I had my SHG today and should be getting the results later this week. I will have my cycle day 3 testing in a few weeks.

So that's were I am. Getting ready to take the plunge again. I hope that it's a smoother road than last time.