Taking Another Chance: Take 1

So here I am. About to try for another pregnancy. So what? What's the big deal? It took me nearly two years and two IVF cycles to get pregnant the first time. I was ecstatic when it finally happened. What's more, I was pregnant with twins!

I started bleeding around my 11th week of pregnancy. I went in for an ultrasound "just for peace of mind." I was told that "Twin B" did not look very good. I was told to come back in a week or two for another ultrasound to check on my subchorionic hemorrhage that caused the bleeding in the first place.

At my repeat ultrasound, I was told that "Twin B" (later to be named, L) had a severe defect in her brain. I was referred to a perinatologist for the following week.

The visit with the peri was not one I would like to repeat. My husband and I were told that L had holoprosencephaly. HPE occurs when the brain fails to divide properly into right and left hemispheres. While some children can live with HPE, L was believed to have the most severe form. We were told to expect her to be stillborn or to die shortly after birth.

The remainder of my pregnancy was filled with at least 3 ultrasounds each month as well as visits to neonatologists, pediatricians, and neurosurgeons. I was in denial that my baby would die upon birth and was bound and determined to find someone who was able to give me some hope. I never did find that person.

When I was 29 weeks pregnant, it was determined that my cervix was thinning and funneling. I was put on bedrest for the remainder of my pregnancy. At 31 weeks 5 days, my water broke. My twins, W and L were born at 2:19am on September 27, 2007 by C-section. W weighed 3lbs 6oz and was 16 inches long. L was 1lb 12oz and 12 inches long. L lived for 1 hour and 37 minutes and was held by loving arms her entire life. W had a brief 22 day stay in the NICU as a "feeder and grower."

W is now a thriving and happy 22 month old little boy. I think about my daughter in heaven every time I look at him. I miss her dearly. There are no words that can adequately describe the grief that I felt, and still feel, when she passed away.

All that being said, my husband and I are ready to have another baby. We had our consultation with the RE for an IVF cycle last week. I am nursing my son and have no plans of stopping until he shows signs that he is ready and was mentally prepared to have the RE tell me that I would need to wean in order to do an IVF cycle. Surprisingly, she was very supportive of my breastfeeding. I wouldn't go as far as saying that she was thrilled to do an IVF cycle on a nursing mother, but she didn't rule it out either.

I had my SHG today and should be getting the results later this week. I will have my cycle day 3 testing in a few weeks.

So that's were I am. Getting ready to take the plunge again. I hope that it's a smoother road than last time.